Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'in.'

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with 'in accordance with the prophecy’.

7. Don't use any punctuation

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

10. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go.'

11. Sing along at the opera.

12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

15. When the money comes out the ATM scream 'I won!, I won!

16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'run for your lives, they're loose!!'

17. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we’re going to have to let one of you go.'

It’s a Fact

• Traces of cocaine were found on 99% of UK bank notes in a survey in London in 2000.

• Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.

• Thinking about sex makes you stop thinking about having to pee.